Cherish everything

It’s 4am here where I’m at. Wide awake, lying on a single bed of a 5-star hotel in the middle of KL. Can’t seem to fall asleep because the thought of losing my parents is horrible. And this is probably the FIFTH day of my brain making me feel all paranoid every five minutes. Two weeks since I stopped taking sertraline. Two weeks since I was prescribed with fluvoxamine and epilim. What first seemed like a mild depression, my psychiatrist now thinks it’s bipolar disorder type II. It’s having a lot of thoughts at one time. It’s being all excited and you can do everything. It’s shopping recklessly. It’s completing a lot of tasks. It’s needing less sleep to function the whole day. Two hours of sleep daily? Aite no problem. It’s feeling like the world is finally on your side. And things decided to work the way they should be. And it’s hypomania. And then there’s the gloomy day. The physically-tired-for-no-reason days. The days where horrendous thoughts come attacking. Remember the th

After months of not updating Blogger.. suddenly it's 2018! Lol ok but anyway but my only new year resolution is to update this blog more often because it's good having an archive for your own reference. I really want to have something to look back later on. And looking back, a lot happened in 2017 but I didn't have the time (I lied, I had alll the time in the world), energy, (insert more excuses) to do so. But let's just do a quick flashback! I got the worst result ever, literally. I didn't even show my parents the grades but they seem to understand me very well. My dad being the supportive one as always, he only told me to do better next time and to not worry because he too, had failed many times. Was it cool getting bad results? No, it wasn't. But did it bring any lesson? I guess it does. Really a wake-up call for me to realise that undergrad is not like foundation/school where I can relax and still score anyway. Surprise Waji, apparently you're not t

Today I read something that hurt me deep inside. I knew this would happen. I had been preparing myself for this. It actually happened today. And I wasn't prepared for this. Hurt would be an understatement. I think you have found somebody else. And it's not wrong of you to do that. You deserve someone else, you should've had somebody else by now. What happened between us, it hurt me badly. The things I never expected would come from you oh it happened. I would wish bad things to you but I know it wouldn't make me any happier. So I wish you all the good things and I hope good things will happen to me too.

Of February cafe hopping! Books up for sale! Free reading Free props also..... Supah nice iced chocolate for RM5? Here here. (literally good chocolate bukan milo ok!) Coastal Store 4E, Jalan Besar, 25000, Kuantan, Pahang, Malaysia.

2017 came late for me. January was a trial month. Looking back, I had a great 2016. I didn't find love, I didn't make it to the UK, I didn't achieve my childhood dreams but hey my 8-year-old self wouldn't be that disappointed knowing that people in my foundation year were such gems and I made it to pharmacy school anyway, aite! But the second half was toxic for me. I found at least a trait I hated in everyone. I always had things to complain about. I hated my roommate. But I've come to a conclusion that if I have problems with everyone, I am the problem. I know that it's stupid to have not got over your lame ass love story but I'm not gonna invalidate my feelings. I feel what I feel and it's only human. I totally understand that different people have different ways of coping with stress. Some smoke. Some drink. Some drug themselves. Who am I to judge. As for me, now, whatever I'm feeling, I'm just gonna embrace it. Honestly, I had be

I'm sorry that I thought love could fix everything. I'm sorry that I replied to his "hi" years ago. I'm sorry I let myself talk to him everyday. I'm sorry I became attached to him. I'm sorry for the time I decided he deserved a chance. I'm sorry for the time I cared for his wellbeing. I'm sorry for putting effort.  I'm sorry I forgave him the first time he hurt me. I'm sorry I sacrificed my sleep for him and I'm sorry I still do that now, except it's for crying. I'm sorry I let him become my happiness. I'm sorry I trusted his "I won't leave you". I'm sorry I thought his love was real. I'm sorry I chose to believe in him even after he said "we need some time off each other". I'm sorry I accepted him every time he came. I'm sorry for thinking he's still the old boy I loved so deeply when he's not that same person anymore.  I'm sorry I actually waited. I'm sorry I didn

Anything you're facing, it will pass. You will find the courage to move forward. Because life is an infinite journey. It's about choosing something and going for it. And then choosing something and going for it again. It hurts, it will always hurt a little, betrayal does. But to be better, to cure yourself, you have to forgive yourself. You have to be at peace with yourself.