Cherish everything

Forever. I used to wonder, "is it a selfish thing to want forever?". I used to wish for and believe in forever. I used to think, if I loved somebody, I could have forever, we would be able to make it. What can I say? I was a kid. And then life happens. I learn. I no longer believe in forever. Not because I can't stay loyal. Not because I'll get bored of it. But because I believe that feelings come from Him. And He can make it go away, anytime He wants. But that doesn't mean we don't have to fight to make it last. It just means that, if I was to be with anyone after this, it would last for as long as it would last . If it's 2 years then it's 2 years. If it ends with a marriage, then that's the way it is. If it's not meant to be, it's just not meant to be. Nobody will ever be completely ours. True, (almost) everyone wants it to end with a marriage. But I just think that marriage doesn't make anyone become completely ours eith...

Years since you left. Or I left. Or we both parted ways. It's true when you said "time will heal you". It still hurts here and there, it does, but I guess what time can't heal, I have to heal myself. It's just that.. I miss you as a person. Not what we had, not what we were . I just... miss talking to you. All I see in you now is somebody I no longer know. Never thought one year could make us this much apart. As much as I miss talking to you, I also know you've walked too far to come back. Too far to even look back. I hope you're always safe wherever you are. I hope you have someone to look out for you. Care for you. Listen to you. And maybe love you. Because you totally deserve that (not that you're not able to do that for yourself but yea it's always good to have someone) I can't afford to hate you. Because you taught me a lot of things. I was blind. I was naive. I was silly. I know I've hurt you a lot. I thought that...

Rants. I stayed awake thinking of things. And I thought of how ungrateful I had been all this time. I've never realized how blessed I have been. I receive more than I deserve and more than I give. God, forgive me for asking more than I thank You. God, thank you for my parents, for my family, for my friends and for myself. All I think about is what I do not have. I think of how wonderful others' lives are, that I forgot to enjoy my own life. I have been blind. For one moment, look around you and look at those people around you, without comparing yours to others. Look at what you have. Being grateful is not having to compare your life to others. If you think some are having greater than you, you need to know that everyone is fighting their own battle. You never know behind closed doors. And I realize all this dunya can never fill the void I feel inside. I will never have enough money, enough clothes, enough bags. Cars will never be fast enough. Home will never be big eno...

Alhamdulillah.  The waiting is over. Alhamdulillah for my results. Alhamdulillah it is worth it enduring heartbreaks and pain in high school. I was really a sucker for straight As, so I could prove those people who have been belittling me, I can do it. My niat was wrong, I know. SPM is not everything afterall. Unilife will not be easy. I will have to start from zero again. Feeling? To be honest, i feel relieved, that was all. All along my waiting, i had always had the thought that i would not get what i wanted. Because of things i had done, because i wasnt that nice before. But seeing your bestfriends crying, is not a nice feeling. I feel terrible :( how can i be happy when my loved ones are not happy? Who should i share my happiness with? This sounds clice but that was really what I felt.... Alhamdulillah, Allah kat atas bagi rezeki lebih sikit. Tapi takut, what did I do to deserve this much rezeki. Banyak sangat rezeki. Alhamdulillah. Mama kata spm ni lagi satu ujian, ...

Sometimes we're attached to the picture of someone. To how we believe s/he is, even when that someone has changed. Hold on to something that doesn't exist anymore.  And sadly, this is one of the things I've always been good at. (some people think I do not feel a thing because I have this emotionless get-out-of-my-way-i-hate-you look and i dont care and im never serious and im just playing around) But BREAKING NEWS: wajihah zaki does have a thing called feelings.