Cherish everything

I've been spending too much time on my phone. It's toxic :( I need to be reminded of who I am and who I wanna be. All this overthinking is not helping (and it's making my dark circles worse).

Years since you left. Or I left. Or we both parted ways. It's true when you said "time will heal you". It still hurts here and there, it does, but I guess what time can't heal, I have to heal myself. It's just that.. I miss you as a person. Not what we had, not what we were . I just... miss talking to you. All I see in you now is somebody I no longer know. Never thought one year could make us this much apart. As much as I miss talking to you, I also know you've walked too far to come back. Too far to even look back. I hope you're always safe wherever you are. I hope you have someone to look out for you. Care for you. Listen to you. And maybe love you. Because you totally deserve that (not that you're not able to do that for yourself but yea it's always good to have someone) I can't afford to hate you. Because you taught me a lot of things. I was blind. I was naive. I was silly. I know I've hurt you a lot. I thought that...

Well, that hurt me deep.

Feelings. This is one thing I've never been good at. I hate sinking in my own feelings. I get too carried away that it eats me up inside. I haven't really liked anyone for quite some time. Or... maybe I had but the feeling I had, it was just a slight crush, it came and faded so fast and it didn't really matter. My crush has someone else? Alright that's fine, I'll just find a new crush. I guess the reason I haven't had anyone is because I don't want to move on. I cling to the image of my past one. Even when that person has grown up and changed . I replay everything in my mind everyday so I don't forget about it. Because I'm scared. Honestly, I'm scared of being with anyone else. Because I know I'll never be good enough for anyone. I know one day, they'll figure out that I'm not up to their expectation. I know I'll eff up someday. So I'd rather be in love with that image. It hurts but it feels good at the same time be...

Honestly, if you think I'm living a great life, you're wrong. Of course, some parts are good. Those are the parts I show to people, to you. You never know behind closed doors. You never know how much I regret some parts. You never know those dreams I haven't reached. You never know my disappointment. You never know those nights I cry wishing I had more. You never know what I went through to be where I am right now. Trust me, social media is just a facade. There's much more to me than what I let people see. This post is not for me to boast around. I dedicate this to some people (e.g. some juniors) who think I'm an inspiration (????). I am still working on myself. I am just the way you are. Work on yourself. Be a better version. Be yourself. Be the you, you are comfortable in. Be who you wanna be. And always alwayss alwaysss, be grateful. You will never feel enough until you are grateful. And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful,...

Rants. I stayed awake thinking of things. And I thought of how ungrateful I had been all this time. I've never realized how blessed I have been. I receive more than I deserve and more than I give. God, forgive me for asking more than I thank You. God, thank you for my parents, for my family, for my friends and for myself. All I think about is what I do not have. I think of how wonderful others' lives are, that I forgot to enjoy my own life. I have been blind. For one moment, look around you and look at those people around you, without comparing yours to others. Look at what you have. Being grateful is not having to compare your life to others. If you think some are having greater than you, you need to know that everyone is fighting their own battle. You never know behind closed doors. And I realize all this dunya can never fill the void I feel inside. I will never have enough money, enough clothes, enough bags. Cars will never be fast enough. Home will never be big eno...

I'm just gonna go on and do what I love. There are a lot of things I haven't figured out. My plans are still blurry. My grip on life is not that firm. But I know I am progressing although it is a lil bit slow. Maybe we all have different journeys. Be it slow or fast. Just don't stop. Looking back, I do regret a lot of things. But the past is the reason for the future. I can't let my past dictates me. Some things are becoming better. Some things just need full stop. Like why am I in a public local uni? That needs a full stop. If you think public local unis are not good, if they are not what you prefer, by all means, go somewhere better. If your words are not helping, are not kind, keep it to yourself. I am not the best example. This is my path and our paths do not have to be the same . All I know is that t his path is gonna bring me somewhere too. God doesn't put me here for no reason. There are people I need to meet a nd lessons I need to learn. Maybe this is...