#73

Forever.

I used to wonder, "is it a selfish thing to want forever?". I used to wish for and believe in forever. I used to think, if I loved somebody, I could have forever, we would be able to make it. What can I say? I was a kid. And then life happens. I learn.

I no longer believe in forever. Not because I can't stay loyal. Not because I'll get bored of it. But because I believe that feelings come from Him. And He can make it go away, anytime He wants. But that doesn't mean we don't have to fight to make it last. It just means that, if I was to be with anyone after this, it would last for as long as it would last. If it's 2 years then it's 2 years. If it ends with a marriage, then that's the way it is. If it's not meant to be, it's just not meant to be.

Nobody will ever be completely ours. True, (almost) everyone wants it to end with a marriage. But I just think that marriage doesn't make anyone become completely ours either. After all, we belong to Him. He can take us away whenever He wants. Even marriage has uncertain tomorrow. But then I know, marriage is not only about feelings. It's about responsibilities. We are fed with the notion that marriage is a beautiful thing. Truth is, it's a lot more than that. And I'm still a kid. I haven't understood a lot of things. Marriage? Wat dat? I'm not prepared for it.

True, tomorrow is uncertain. But that doesn't mean we don't have to work for it. If you never try, you'll never know. We can always try our best to make it last. I think it's stupid to leave everything to fate. Make effort, and then just maybe, yes, wait for fate and its magic to work.