It’s having a lot of thoughts at one time. It’s being all excited and you can do everything. It’s shopping recklessly. It’s completing a lot of tasks. It’s needing less sleep to function the whole day. Two hours of sleep daily? Aite no problem. It’s feeling like the world is finally on your side. And things decided to work the way they should be. And it’s hypomania.
And then there’s the gloomy day. The physically-tired-for-no-reason days. The days where horrendous thoughts come attacking. Remember the thing you did ten years ago? The society hates you for it. Probably you should just die. Probably you can also eliminate the person saying nasty things to you. Or maybe your parents hate you. Oh girl, now you should tell them to send you to an orphanage or just kill you so you won’t be around anymore. Guuurl, that’s extra as heck. And that.. that’s depressive days.
But everyday? Everyday it’s “but you look okay” or it’s “maybe you need to learn to be grateful”. Sometimes it comes as “some have it harder”.
I’m selfish for feeling this way. Because I was born in a good family. I had physically, mentally and financially supportive parents. I had great support system from my siblings and friends. I get to take up a course most probably thousands of students would be glad to trade places with me. Maybe I had most things. Maybe I had everything. But the one thing I do not have, is the choice to not feel what I feel. Never had and never would I choose for my serotonin and consequently my brain to function differently.