A 20-year-old currently taking up Pharmacy. Of life updates and random writings. My ups and downs, my thoughts and nonsense.

February 01, 2017


2017 came late for me. January was a trial month.

Looking back, I had a great 2016. I didn't find love, I didn't make it to the UK, I didn't achieve my childhood dreams but hey my 8-year-old self wouldn't be that disappointed knowing that people in my foundation year were such gems and I made it to pharmacy school anyway, aite! But the second half was toxic for me. I found at least a trait I hated in everyone. I always had things to complain about. I hated my roommate. But I've come to a conclusion that if I have problems with everyone, I am the problem. Also, towards the end of 2016 someone hit me up with "U in KL? I was just thinking about u and I was wondering if we could grab dinner or lunch sometime.". So I went out with him, not once but twice. But later on I found out that he was just using me. It hurt a lot, I was distracted the whole examination weeks. I want to create excuses for him but in the end there are just so many excuses I can create until I have to decide that he just doesn't care anymore. He wasn't sorry. He hurt me, he knew I was hurt and he wasn't doing anything about it, that's not love my dude. If only he made effort to make amends..

I know that it's stupid to have not got over your lame ass love story but I'm not gonna invalidate my feelings. I feel what I feel and it's only human. I totally understand that different people have different ways of coping with stress. Some smoke. Some drink. Some drug themselves. Who am I to judge. As for me, now, whatever I'm feeling, I'm just gonna embrace it.

Honestly, I had been afraid of letting my thoughts and feelings out here. It took me 20 years to realise that everyone feels. So anything I feel, it's normal. I'm not overreacting. For 2017, my main concern is my mental health. I wanna surround myself with people who don't invalidate my feelings and actually care about my well-being. I wanna be on track the whole sem. On track in terms of my studying schedule and also on track in terms of my obligation towards the religion. Is it possible if I want to spend lesser on make up but also have more make up collection lmao get a daddy??? Also, turning 20, I really want to stop some bad habits for if not now then when? It takes time to change and I don't want these habits to ruin my career later on. Nawh. Start now. Take baby steps.. And the only person you should compete with is who you were yesterday.

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