Cherish everything

We moved together like a silver lock and key But now that your lock has changed I know that I can't fit that way A Little Braver - New Empire

I see people of my age blogging bout politics.. or economy.. some blog about fashion. Some do poetry. I wish I could. But I'm not good at any of them.. and my interest is not really into that. So I guess I'll just blog about the thing (I think) I am  good at........... ranting & complaining.. bout my life. Oh by the way if you are in Foundation programme and you want to go abroad, here's the  link on how. As for me, I went to AUG Student Service at Jalan Ampang. There are many other branches all over Malaysia. Dah apply UCAS, dapat conditional offer dah boleh hunt for scholarship ok. I had a hard time searching for scholarship (((maybe))) cuz I applied for medical course. If it's 'not medical' related courses, maybe you'd have higher chances of getting a scholarship. All the best :B

And every time I think of you, I lose you all over again. How can I lose someone I have lost? It scares me that you're gonna be meeting a lot of people, in a city so far away, I'll be just another person from your past. And you're gonna be successful. You won't even be reminded of me. Maybe if I truly loved you, I would be happy for you. But there's no happiness in knowing all these things.

This is a random post. It's waaaaay past midnight and I'm having college-sick (it's somewhat like homesick but this home refers to college) *sobs* I just wanna dedicate this to some people I am really grateful for in college. *drumrolls* it's my second semester classmates! Tbh I wasn't close to everyone but there's this one bunch that treated me so nicely *emoji monyet tutup muka* I was the only new girl in class. 28 students who had really bonded throughout the first sem and then came this snob-looking girl with her bright lipstick and all (das me -,-). Major thanks to these people for never making me feel left out, ure da bomb. Thank you completing em assignments I rarely contribute anything, for listening to my rants, accompanying me getting food 10 times a day, replying to my "cemana nak buat ni", making sure lab reports were done on time, letting me copy Maths examples, for layan-ing my selfies and my childish side, and the list goes ...

Forever. I used to wonder, "is it a selfish thing to want forever?". I used to wish for and believe in forever. I used to think, if I loved somebody, I could have forever, we would be able to make it. What can I say? I was a kid. And then life happens. I learn. I no longer believe in forever. Not because I can't stay loyal. Not because I'll get bored of it. But because I believe that feelings come from Him. And He can make it go away, anytime He wants. But that doesn't mean we don't have to fight to make it last. It just means that, if I was to be with anyone after this, it would last for as long as it would last . If it's 2 years then it's 2 years. If it ends with a marriage, then that's the way it is. If it's not meant to be, it's just not meant to be. Nobody will ever be completely ours. True, (almost) everyone wants it to end with a marriage. But I just think that marriage doesn't make anyone become completely ours eith...

I've been spending too much time on my phone. It's toxic :( I need to be reminded of who I am and who I wanna be. All this overthinking is not helping (and it's making my dark circles worse).

Years since you left. Or I left. Or we both parted ways. It's true when you said "time will heal you". It still hurts here and there, it does, but I guess what time can't heal, I have to heal myself. It's just that.. I miss you as a person. Not what we had, not what we were . I just... miss talking to you. All I see in you now is somebody I no longer know. Never thought one year could make us this much apart. As much as I miss talking to you, I also know you've walked too far to come back. Too far to even look back. I hope you're always safe wherever you are. I hope you have someone to look out for you. Care for you. Listen to you. And maybe love you. Because you totally deserve that (not that you're not able to do that for yourself but yea it's always good to have someone) I can't afford to hate you. Because you taught me a lot of things. I was blind. I was naive. I was silly. I know I've hurt you a lot. I thought that...